International Men’s Day

Maria Miller Excerpts

Thursday 25th November 2021 Westminster Hall

[Mrs Maria Miller (Basingstoke) (Con)]

It is a great pleasure, as always, to serve under your chairmanship, Mr Sharma. I commend my hon. Friend the Member for Don Valley (Nick Fletcher) for his opening speech. While we deeply miss my hon. Friend the Member for Shipley (Philip Davies) and always will in debates like this, my hon. Friend the Member for Don Valley did an extremely good job in opening this important debate. It was also good to hear from my hon. Friend the Member for Blackpool South (Scott Benton). It is interesting that we have two men from Yorkshire and two Members from Scotland in today’s debate—perhaps we need to spread our geography a little wider. I am here as the token Member from Hampshire, but I am sure other colleagues from Hampshire would want to be here if their diaries allowed.

I am particularly pleased to follow the hon. Member for Rutherglen and Hamilton West (Margaret Ferrier) because she raised a number of incredibly powerful issues, particularly the social isolation that men can feel not only if they are single parents but as they get older. I have visited a number of Men’s Shed projects around the country, which are particularly good at reaching out to older men to enable them to understand better the importance of comradeship in older age. I applaud the Men’s Shed in my community, which does so much in that area.

On 19 November we celebrated International Men’s Day, as a way of recognising the positive values that men bring to our society, our families and our communities. I have to celebrate the men in my life—I hope you will allow me to do that, Mr Sharma—including my father, who was a self-made businessman; my husband, who is a highly successful lawyer; my two brothers, who are very successful in their own family lives; and of course my two sons, one of whom was born on International Women’s Day. He has had to endure me referencing him for 15 years now on International Women’s Day, so I am glad to be able to reference him now in relation to International Men’s Day. He is a highly successful young man, just embarking on his university career.

This debate continues to be incredibly important. With the advent of shared parental leave, the right to request flexible working for everyone, and equal marriage for same-sex couples, all of which have come in during the last 10 years, I do not think that British men have ever had more opportunities to challenge some of the really negative gender stereotypes that have been alluded to already. May I gently say that men need to find their voice? Three hon. Gentlemen have taken time out of their busy schedules to be part of this important debate, and my hon. Friend the Member for Shipley would have been present if his diary had allowed him, but people—particularly male leaders in our community—need to be prepared to speak out and challenge status quos that they feel are not right.

I was really privileged last Friday evening to be at an event organised by a constituent of mine on the importance of challenging ethnic stereotypes. At that event, one of my councillors talked about the importance to him of the changes that had happened in our society that affected gay men, how important it is that gay men can now have a marriage in the same way that anybody else can and adopt children, and the incredible way in which our society has adapted and changed. I do not think that we should forgot that in the debate.

There is, however, still much more to do. When we turn on the television or the radio we hear stereotypes—in the media, online and in advertising—that portray men as if they may be failing if they are not a dominating male breadwinner, or if they have experienced family breakdown or been made redundant through no fault of their own. Issues of consent in intimate relationships can feel very complex and even frightening for young men, so International Men’s Day is a real opportunity for us to voice some of those issues and really challenge that. I urge all Members of Parliament, particularly the men, to see their important role in doing that in their own community.

The pressure of stereotypes could be very closely linked to the issue that the hon. Member for Rutherglen and Hamilton West talked about: the prevalence of suicide among men, which has a devastating impact on not just a family but a whole community. Suicide is disproportionately likely to happen to men. It is the biggest killer of men under the age of 50, with those aged 20 to 59 at the highest risk, as well as people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. Last year in England, 75% of all suicides were men, with a similarly high, or higher, figure across the UK. Even more worrying is the gap between men and women, which has increased over time.

We can all play a part in dismantling the stigma around mental health and, as the hon. Lady said, supporting men to access medical support more easily, particularly mental health support. It is really important that we do that, because although men report lower levels of satisfaction with their lives, which is startling enough, according to the Government’s national wellbeing survey, NHS data show that they are less likely to access psychological talking therapies for even common mental health problems. I really hope that the Minister takes away from this debate that iniquity of access, because it affects all of us who have men in our families, and we do not want them to feel as if they cannot access these things.

By having open and honest conversations with our family and friends, we can remind the men in our lives that they are not alone. I am pleased that the Government have already invested £57 million in suicide prevention through the NHS long-term plan, but I hope that that is part of a bigger plan for supporting men to access the sort of mental health support that they need. As my hon. Friend the Member for Blackpool South said, many organisations can help anyone who experiences distress or anxiety or who feels low. I would encourage anybody to visit the Every Mind Matters website and gov.uk for advice, particularly on practical steps to support their wellbeing and to manage any mental health problems. I also take this opportunity to highlight fantastic mental health services and suicide prevention organisations such as MIND, Campaign Against Living Miserably and Rethink Mental Illness, which are doing incredible work alongside organisations such as Samaritans.

Men face many challenges in society, including attainment levels in education, which my hon. Friend the Member for Don Valley talked about, high levels of prostate cancer, higher levels of absence from family life, high levels of rough sleeping and difficulties in reoffending. These are incredibly complex issues, which is why I am glad that we are able to shine a light on them today and to look at how they disproportionately affect men.

I will spend the rest of my time in the debate talking about one of the themes of International Men’s Day this year: better relations between men and women, which we always strive for in my household. This is a simple concept, but it encapsulates the core action needed to achieve and embrace equality, so that we can lift each other up. I am particularly keen to press for better relations to be fostered and strengthened online, because too often we hear about cases of abuse between men and women; behaviour that would be difficult to comprehend in the offline world appears every day in the online world.

I hope that the Online Safety Bill, which will hopefully come shortly, will address some of these issues. For instance, the Government’s own research found that there is a substantial evidential link between the use of pornography by adult men and harmful sexual attitudes and behaviours towards women. Studies also reveal that the algorithms of porn websites have been actively promoting sexual violence, and even illegal pornography, with one in eight video titles on the home pages of porn sites promoting this content. It is not right that tech companies should fuel division between men and women through their algorithms, so I hope that the Bill will address that.

Practices such as image-based abuse primarily affect women but can affect men too, and can thwart men and women from having healthy relationships and respect for one another. This attitudinal problem trickles down to cultures between boys and girls in school, as was evidenced in the recent Ofsted report on sexual abuse in schools. It is with the combined strength of men and women that we will be able to create a fairer online world, fairer workplaces and fairer communities. We should work together on this.

I end by thanking the inspirational men not only in my life but in my whole community for helping to tackle the inequalities and challenges that men face and for the way they work with women to create a stronger and fairer society. I hope that, in future debates, more male colleagues will find time to come and find their voice on these issues. We have huge support among male colleagues for the many debates we have on women’s issues. I wish they would find a voice to talk about the issues they face as well. By doing that, we can find the right solutions for everyone.

--- Later in debate ---

[Gavin Newlands]

I am not really sure that I will dignify that question with a response. It is for that person to justify his actions. There have been plenty of court cases on that issue; I will not stand here and defend anyone.

To go back to International Men’s Day, as you hoped I would, Mr Sharma, let us talk about the full achievements of men: centuries of subjugating and belittling half of the population, and having to be dragged kicking and screaming to give women the vote. I appreciate that it is all very negative looking backwards, but my point is that we need to accept the reality. Far too many men still do not accept the reality or take responsibility for these actions, which we need to look back on and accept before we can move forward. These actions included locking single mothers up in homes with their babies until the right adoptive parents came along, at which point the male-run state forced those mothers to sign over their own children. That happened not once or twice but hundreds of thousands of times across these isles.

Yes, there are issues and challenges specific to men, which must be highlighted and tackled: the attainment gap in education, the lower life expectancies linked to poorer health and care, and the huge human cost of prison and recidivism. However, let us not pretend that the balance sheet is not tipped hugely in favour of men and against women. That culture and our deeply ingrained structures in society contribute to a toxic masculinity that is to the detriment of both men and women.

[Mrs Miller]

I do not think this is a zero-sum game. It does not have to be that women are gaining or losing at the expense of men. We can have a situation where the lives of women and men improve. In taking that approach, we might come to a better solution.

[Gavin Newlands]

I hear what the right hon. Member says. She obviously speaks with a great deal of knowledge, with her background in Government and Committee. However, while I accept the premise of her point, I have stressed before that there are far too many people in society and in this place who still cannot accept the reality of the situation. Until that is the case, we cannot really move on, and that is my central point, which is exactly in the spirit of what the right hon. Lady suggests. Once we get to a point of acceptance, then we have to move forward in lockstep and improve the lives of everyone together.

The combination of our culture and our deeply ingrained societal structure is toxic, but we are gradually moving beyond a model of families and households that treat one partner as inferior towards a model where gender roles are ignored. I welcome the progress of Governments both north and south of the border in expanding free early years learning and childcare, although I would say that our colleagues down south have some way to catch up. That is helping to reshape the expectations for family life towards a more equitable set-up. This has been helped by changes in attitudes and entitlement to paternity leave.

We are not going to change this country’s culture and ingrained attitudes overnight, but we can make significant changes that help women and men redefine their positions and place in the world. A transformational boost in paternity leave would be one of those changes. I hope that the Minister will take that back to her Department for further study.

I chair the all-party parliamentary group for the White Ribbon campaign, and I am proud to be an ambassador for both White Ribbon UK and White Ribbon Scotland, whose badge I wear on my lapel today. That campaign, which was referenced already by the hon. Member for Rutherglen and Hamilton West, was set up in the wake of a horrific massacre in Montreal, where a self-identified “anti-feminist” murdered 14 women in cold blood. That was in 1989. Decades later we are still seeing that toxic masculinity embed itself in large parts of society with the rise of the incel movement. What links those is a learned behaviour of men and boys towards women and girls. That behaviour and the social cues and norms that back it up have to be challenged by men—all of us.

We have to acknowledge the wrongs we have perpetrated on women for millennia. We must each do our bit to try and roll those wrongs back for the future. The fight for gender equality needs action at the top, from our Governments to our businesses, employers and public services. It also needs individual action from every one of us. We need to tell our friends when their behaviour is unacceptable and tell our colleagues when their actions—while perhaps unintended or unknowing—are helping to continue the cycle of disrespect.

If International Men’s Day is to be something worth commemorating each year, it should be as a reflection and acknowledgement of the damage and human suffering that our place, versus that of women, has caused and is still causing. It should be a time when we come together to discuss and debate how best to change our own behaviours to support women and build a better, more equal and fairer society.