International Men’s Day

Debate between Sam Rushworth and Chris McDonald

Thursday 21st November 2024 Commons Chamber

[Sam Rushworth]

I welcome the hon. Member’s intervention. I will come on to talk about men’s sheds—I met representatives of the Men’s Sheds Association on Tuesday in Speaker’s House.

Men are, indeed, more likely to take their own life. Boys are more likely to be excluded from school, and they are underachieving compared with girls at every level of education. That is because gender inequality is not only structural—by which I mean an unequal division of power and resources as assigned through our rules and institutions—but cultural. It is embedded in social attitudes and expectations around manhood and womanhood. It is here where gender inequality really harms men and boys.

I also recognise, as I attempt to frame this debate, that men, like women, are diverse. There is more than one way of being male. I refer here not only to sexuality, but to binary ideas of how men should behave. If Members were to visit my home on a summer night, they might find Mrs Rushworth in the garden lighting the barbecue and me in the kitchen preparing the salad. If they were to visit in the winter, they might find her bleeding the radiators while I am singing a lullaby to settle one of our children in bed. International Men’s Day is an opportunity to celebrate male diversity and to promote kinder, more emotionally connected and liberated versions of masculinity as positive male role models for boys.

I wish to focus the rest of my remarks on two concerning by-products of gender inequality that are prevalent in my constituency of Bishop Auckland—men’s mental health and the concerning rise of male suicide, particularly among young men, and boys’ underachievement at school—and why we must tackle those issues head-on for the benefit of both sexes.

The crisis in men’s mental health is one of the most significant issues of our time. It negatively impacts not only on the individuals concerned, but on their relationships with family, friends and work colleagues and, tragically, it is increasingly leading to suicide. In the UK, men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women, and it is now the leading cause of death of men under 50. The contributing factors are multiple and include debt, addiction, family breakdown and unfair deprivation of access to children, but what seems to compound all of them is loneliness and a sense of being trapped carrying burdens alone. Too often, the societal expectation that men be stoic, strong and emotionless leads to a suppression of feelings. From a young age, boys are taught to man up, to hide vulnerability and to suppress their emotions. That is a damaging narrative that not only impedes emotional wellbeing, but stifles open conversations about physical and mental health.

I pay tribute to the excellent organisations that are working to provide men and boys with the tools and space to talk openly about their feelings, without fear of judgment or stigma. One of them was mentioned a moment ago: this week, I met Rob Lloyd and John Latchford from Men’s Sheds, which provides spaces for men to come together and work on crafts, while developing friendships and a mutual support network. Another great example, which I am sure all Members will be familiar with in their constituencies, is Andy’s Man Club, which has groups all over the country that are helping to end the stigma around men’s mental health through the power of conversation.

A similar organisation in my constituency in south Durham is ManHealth, which works to raise awareness of and improve men’s physical and mental health. It organises men’s walks and peer support groups, which meet weekly. I attended one recently in my constituency, and found a group of men from all walks of life sat together in a circle. The session started with each man taking it in turns to update the group on their week, beginning by saying how they felt on a scale of one to 10. I sat listening, touched by the openness of those who were sharing, and the non-judgmental kindness of those listening and offering support.

Then the group leader came to me and asked, “Well, Sam, where are you this week?” I froze briefly, contemplating how I should respond. Do I quickly say something positive and move on, or should I be honest and make myself vulnerable? Do I tell the truth, that this week I am a five—not quite rock bottom but feeling little joy in life? Do I admit how anxious and out of place I have felt in my new role, how the online abuse that all MPs receive secretly gets to me, and how I lie awake at night feeling overwhelmed by the scale of the challenge of meeting my voters’ expectations? “Five.” I did it—I shared. And although I had feared that these men might struggle to relate to me, as a Member of this place, I found understanding nods and expressions of appreciation. It also lifted my spirits to be able to visit each of them one by one, and listen to the particular stories that they wanted to share with me. That is the thing about peer support: it is in the giving as well as in the receiving that people feel empowered.

[Chris McDonald (Stockton North) (Lab)]

On behalf of the whole House, may I say that my hon. Friend is doing an exceptional job? We should acknowledge the importance of men being positive role models for other men. Does he agree that some of the situations he describes leave young men vulnerable to nefarious role models—online role models, and so on—and that all of us older men have a duty to provide opportunities to talk, and positive role models for younger men?

[Sam Rushworth]

My hon. Friend makes an important point. Before coming to this place, I used to tutor for the Brilliant Club in several schools in the north-east and would often have conversations with my students. One course that I taught was about the prevention of genocide, and it touched on issues of identity-based violence and discrimination. Very often, the girls would enter a conversation about the sorts of misogynist comments that they received, and their experiences of sexual assault by boys in their class who were influenced by so-called online influencers—to name and shame one, Andrew Tate seems to be having a really pernicious influence on many boys, and seems to promote a version of masculinity that I believe is deeply harmful, both to boys and to the girls whom they then interact with. That was an excellent intervention.

The crisis in men’s mental health and wellbeing has its roots in the crisis in boys’ mental health and wellbeing. In 2020, 122 boys aged 10 to 19 died by suicide. An analysis by Childline found that, despite having more than double the suicide rate, only one boy for every five girls talks about mental health to Childline, and they are even less likely to contact the service when they have suicidal thoughts. Boys as well as men appear to be suffering in silence.

Health and wellbeing are intrinsically linked to the ability to learn. Nationally, girls are outperforming boys at every level of education from primary school through to university. In the north-east, we have the lowest GCSE grades anywhere in the country, particularly among boys. Of course, it did not used to be this way. Back in the ’70s, it was the other way round, and there was alarm at the fact that boys were outperforming girls. Significant studies done at that time explored things such as language and space in the classroom and the way that boys would dominate conversation. When I visit schools today, I see the reverse: boys who are suppressed and do not feel able to speak freely. There is much evidence that that is not a uniform picture, and there are examples of schools where boys are not underperforming, so we know it is avoidable and preventable.

To pick up the point we heard a moment ago, research shows that boys need to have positive role models. That does not just mean fathers and male teachers, although that is important; it could mean older boys in the school being given responsibility to act as peer mentors to younger boys. There is evidence of unconscious bias in teaching staff, which we need to get rid of. We need to raise expectations, because the schools that do well establish a culture of high expectations among boys.

We need to take seriously who and what is influencing boys. When I was growing up in the ’90s, it was more or less taken for granted that we were in an age of progress, where our generation of young men were growing up with more respect for women and with more progressive values. Again, to reference the growing move to the far right and the misogynistic values being spread online, that progress is now in reverse. We need to guard against those behaviours by boys online.

Another significant intervention that I will promote in other parts of my work in Parliament is a much earlier focus on social emotional learning in schools. We need children to grow up learning to recognise, understand and regulate their emotions and to find better or appropriate ways to express them. They need to learn greater self-awareness, social awareness and empathy for others. People are not born with these skills; these are skills they develop and from an early age based on the sorts of role models and interaction that children experience at home and in the classroom. The Welsh Government and the Mayor of Manchester are good examples of those actively rolling out programmes in schools that focus on children’s social emotional learning.

I will leave my remarks there because I have talked for long enough, and I am conscious of leaving time for colleagues to make their important contributions to the debate and add to the points I have raised. I thank everyone for convening to discuss the issues. I hope that as a House we can take these issues seriously and it will not just be a debate but something that leads to meaningful change.