International Men’s Day

Matt Turmaine Excerpts

Thursday 20th November 2025 Commons Chamber

[Matt Turmaine (Watford) (Lab)]

First, I pay tribute to my hon. Friend the Member for Cannock Chase (Josh Newbury) for giving an incredibly moving introduction to this debate. International Men’s Day, which is held on 19 November but which we debate today, is a wonderful chance to celebrate all that is good about men and boys and to commit to ensuring that we as legislators do all we can to support that agenda.

My hon. Friend the Member for York Outer (Mr Charters) made a very emotional contribution in Prime Minister’s questions yesterday. I thank him for his moving question, which touched everyone on the Government Benches and I suspect those across the House. I also want to acknowledge the Prime Minister’s social media post, “A letter to my son.” What a moving piece that was. Whether we have sons or daughters, nephews or nieces, the emotion with which my right hon. Friend spoke was truly heart-touching.

As a participant in today’s debate, and having worked with the Dad Shift on raising awareness on paternity pay and other issues, I am obliged to deliver to the House a dad joke:

“I went shopping and someone threw a block of cheese at me. I said, ‘That’s not very mature!’”

I’ll get my coat at the end of the debate.

Things have moved on since I was a lad, but I recognise the frustrations that some men and boys feel upon emerging from education into an adult world that is not very caring. When I finished my education and started work, I struggled. Flush with the sense that hard work and dedication would see me through to success, it was alarming to discover that that was not necessarily the case. The assumption that I needed only to work hard to get on was revealed to me, in the midst of a brutal economic recession, to be a lie. It has been said by the economist Gary Stevenson that if we just tell young men that all they need to do to succeed is work hard, we should not be surprised when their reaction is not positive.

The challenges that men feel are often focused on employment, family and identity. It is the structures of the society around us, which we ourselves have created, that result in the frustrations and challenges that people feel. As the documentary maker Adam Curtis has said, we could just as easily create a world in which those frustrations and challenges, and reasons that people despair, do not exist. We have, as Members of this place and members of society, simply to decide that that is what we want to do. Will we rise to the challenge, I wonder?

Let us consider as an example social media and its potential for toxicity. I am of a vintage that means I was present not just at the birth of that media but at its conception. I cannot tell the House how optimistic everyone was for the future—optimistic to meet like-minded friends in virtual spaces and discuss ideas; to discover hitherto unexplored aspects of oneself; to revolutionise work; and perhaps, at its most pleasurable, to play games with people for fun and engagement. What a contrast with the world in which we now live, where many young people—and, arguably, many others—wish that they could just switch the internet off to get some respite.

It has been said that, at its core, the British dream extends to having a family and providing for them. We all know how difficult that is under the circumstances we are debating today. Conversation is required. What stops men and boys feeling that they can have conversations about their fears in an environment that is open and supportive, rather than a pathway to despair? We all know the reasons men and boys do not have those conversations: fear and repression, and their perception of how society regards them. It does not have to be this way.

Others may make this point too, but 90% of paternity leave, and 95% of shared parental leave, is taken by people in the top half of earners. This cannot be the world that we wanted to create. The issues affecting men and boys are serious. This International Men’s Day, let us determine to come together and resolve them.