Divorce

Debate between Lord Bishop of Blackburn and Baroness Deech

Monday 18th October 2010 Lords Chamber

[The Lord Bishop of Blackburn]

My Lords, I am most grateful to the noble Baroness for this debate.

Love has always been recognised as the most costly emotion, and traditionally it has been valued in terms of personal commitment rather than economic obituaries.

“How priceless is your unfailing love”,

the psalmist wrote of the God whose love is so great that it “reaches to the skies”. The recent valuing of love—or, rather, its failure—in multimillion pound divorce settlements, in which a significant number of those listed had earned their fortunes in the entertainment industries, ranged from the reputed £7.5 million to £12.5 million paid by one celebrity when their 22 year-old marriage foundered, to the £75.5 million an American rock star settled on his former wife. When a famous film director paid his former wife £50 million, he was believed to retain a further £50 million for day-to-day necessities.

This surely goes to the heart of our debate today, for I understand that this settlement began as a prenuptial arrangement. The cynic could argue that failure was costed into the price of this couple’s original devotion. Such settlements, no doubt much loved by legal and financial professionals who profit from them, are in danger of reducing marriage to the economic bargaining of historic marriage contracts and of cheapening sacred commitments into balance sheets. Let us override cynicism with Christian realism. Of course we encounter a strong objection to the tenor of such requested legislation, for in a Christian understanding of marriage such prenuptials weaken and dilute our marriage vows of lifelong commitment, where sacrificial love forms the bedrock and the core. The established church’s marriage service includes this moving, mutual commitment:

“All that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you”.

This states the deepest possible giving and gifting, with nothing held back in personhood or economics. These commitments, made before God and all those attending a Christian wedding service, look confidently towards a new, positive and progressive relationship in the unfolding history of human love. There is no suggestion here of an economic breakdown kit, poised for use if dreams fade or demands surmount expectations.

But let us be clear: this is not to deny that, tragically, many marriages fail and that, as the noble Baroness requests, “fair and settled principles” should safeguard legally required settlements. Nor is it to deny claims that marriage may be limited among older people unwilling to formalise relationships without agreements safeguarding responsibilities to family members from former marriages.

But such considerations, valid as they are, can also detract from a more demanding duty of this House: that of supporting the primacy of marriage rather than legislating for its dilution, and leading our nation in reasserting positive principles rather than writing provision for failure into a sacred institution created for lifelong blessing and support.

Perhaps the problem with this requested legislation is that, like much current policy and resources, it concentrates on the ending of relationships rather than on supportive foundations for their future. Like the prenuptial agreement, it raises the spectre of relationship disease, with all the consequent emotional and economic costs of family courts, mediation, child support and associated issues, rather than hoping, planning and praying for the emotional health of marriage and offering significant support.

In a society deeply wounded by divorce, the balance of resources should be devoted to relationship education and marriage preparation, and to supportive healthcare for marriage rather than ambulance-chasing after divorce settlements. If more attention was given to this area of our nation's life, we would not have to spend so much time debating what happens when relationships end, and our society would be stronger and more stable as a result.

[Baroness Deech]

Is the right reverend Prelate aware that in many Catholic countries in Europe, where the divorce rates are much lower than they are in this country, the sort of system that I have recommended prevails? I refer to France, Italy, Spain and so on. They have much lower divorce rates, but they also have the system that I have proposed, which might support rather than diminish the institution.