Violence Against Women

Baroness Howells of St Davids Excerpts

Tuesday 15th November 2011 Grand Committee

[Baroness Howells of St Davids]

My Lords, I thank the noble Baroness, Lady Hussein-Ece, for providing this opportunity to discuss such an important subject and for her carefully crafted opening to this debate. I will use my few minutes to share with you some of the insights I got on the subject while working as a councillor in the community. However, first I invite the Committee to consider how for centuries mankind has sought control. The way of controlling has been by the cracking of the whip by bosses, parents and school teachers. Today, we are very lucky that some of these controls have been removed. At the base of discipline, the end result has been to show who is in charge. Taking control is the key factor. Such behaviour may emanate from a number of causes, including a sense of entitlement, often supported by sexist, racist, homophobic and other discriminatory attitudes. I well remember a case of a father battering his son to death when he disclosed to him that he was gay. His words to me were, “I accepted my son had grown up, but I had no control over his sexuality, and I had to bear the shame”. He said this over and over again. “When did I lose control of my family? I did all I could for my son, and now he has brought disgrace, he has brought shame to our family. My wife was too soft”. He then turned and attacked her.

It is always clear that the abuser is responsible for the violence. However, I believe conditioning may be at the root of uncontrolled abuse. How do we begin to address such conditioning? Domestic violence can be defined to include any violence to children, mothers or other members of the family. Domestic violence is dangerous. It is more so when the perpetrator is the man who sees himself as the breadwinner and the supporter of the family. He asks himself how he can become big when he can no longer play that role. He feels helpless, he loses the control he has always had and the power of being in charge which has always been there. If it appears to be slipping by losing one’s job, by feeling that others in the workplace are getting better breaks, or even by having a nervous breakdown, then the abuse can start.

When discussing the issue with women, most always want to blame themselves. The perpetrator is in no doubt that it is not the woman’s fault. Nevertheless this is so well accepted that the woman herself believes that she is the reason that his control has gone. Although this perception is changing in women, they are still reluctant to report the abuse. Children in households are often sworn to secrecy. Women can always recount cases of others who have been brave enough to seek redress, only to find that even where cases have been proven, somehow the danger they and their families are in hardly ever penetrates the legal system. The abuser either escapes jail, or if he is incarcerated, he serves half a sentence and returns to take vengeance on them, which often leads to their deaths. One young woman opened her door without even knowing that the man who had abused her was out, and he shot her as the door opened.

Our society appears to be becoming very violent. Many learned men and women have written in great detail about the causes of violent behaviour, blaming family breakdown, the loss of Christian values, the influence of the media, drugs and criminality as a whole. During this time of recession, can the Government be the voice for change on violence against women? We know from research that the vast majority of domestic violence is perpetrated against women and children, and women are considerably more likely to experience repeated and severe forms of violence and sexual abuse. Women may experience domestic violence regardless of their ethnicity, religion, class, age, sexuality, disability or lifestyle. The main perpetrators, as we know from research, are always men. Abusers choose to behave violently to gain control. A perfectly reasonable man can resort to domestic violence if he feels that he is losing that control. The mentally ill can also resort to violence as in their illness they perceive that their control is slipping away from them. The victims of stroke can also become very violent indeed. Does the Minister have any plans to end that sort of violence against women at this time, perhaps by bringing forward new legislation so that at least we can have the final say on the abusive acts that men perform against women?